I believe i have to tell this story, about a time I had a brief encounter with stupidity, and how it nearly defeated logic, technology, and basic reasoning, all in one night.
So, this is what happened, : I had just wrapped up an evening at a bar. Good vibes, decent music, and a drink or two, not enough to lose my mind, but apparently just enough to forget my phone on the bar counter. It wasn’t a bar I frequented.
I drove off, made it a few minutes away, and then that sinking feeling hit. You know the one, like realizing you left your stove on, or worse, your wallet at home. In my case, it was my phone. My everything. My connection to the world.I turned around and sped back to the bar. Walked in calmly and asked if anyone had found a phone.“Yes,” bar mistress said. “A phone was found… but we don’t know who it belongs to.”Now, this is the part where things should’ve gone smoothly. I told them: “It’s mine. My fingerprint is stored on it. I can unlock it with my fingerprint, my face, my PIN, probably even my soul. Just let me hold it and I’ll prove it in under three seconds.”But no. Apparently, in this dimension, proof is not proof.
My offer to verify ownership using the literal biometric data stored on the device was met with suspicion.“We can’t take your word for it,” they said. “We’ll have to take the phone to the police and let them handle it.”Wait—what? So here I am, offering to do the digital equivalent of a DNA test, and they want to file a full crime report? For a phone that I can unlock in front of them?
This is where the foolishness reached new heights. I did what I usually avoid doing: I stepped out of character. I dropped the calm tone and made it abundantly clear that this situation was teetering on the edge of ridiculous. Sometimes, unfortunately, obscenity is the only language that cuts through thick clouds of nonsense. So, they had to get some….. “what d mudda so and so wrong with allyuh…, like allyuh is just ah settings dumb c***s in here….Alyuh eh have fuc***g sense whatsoever” Magically, sense returned. The phone was retrieved. I placed my finger on the scanner. The screen lit up. My face smiled back at me. The lock screen opened. And silence fell in the bar like the final scene of a courtroom drama.Lesson?
Common sense isn’t common. But more importantly, we now live in a world where technology can confirm identity faster than any police report, yet some still choose to trust paperwork over proof.It’s not every day you meet people so cautious, they almost protect your phone from you.Next time, I’ll remember my phone before I leave—but if I forget it again, I hope logic will be allowed through the front door before I’m sent to the police station for trying to claim my own device..